June 17, 2014
Outside my window...
It is sunny and hot. I have three large window boxes filled to the brim with spaghetti squash vines. Another large flower pot of kale greens and a window box filled with rainbow colored swiss chard and collard greens.
I am thinking...
What it will feel like to be free from the restraints of the past. To be free from the ball and chain.
What it will feel like to move forward on our path. What it will mean for us (my mother and I) to completely give up my Grandmother's house and property for back taxes. It is a big thing to do but necessary.
The home has sat abandoned and empty for almost ten years now while we pay for the property to be maintained. We (mom and I) pay the taxes on a broken down house in a slum neighborhood in the ghetto. The ceiling is starting to fall in and the floors are rotted through.
Meanwhile the neighbors have broken into it, stolen what they could, used it for a vagrant house, and left the back door and windows broken wide open, and when they were done pilfering through some of the things I had to leave behind, taking what they wanted and discarding the rest of my once packed up boxes and items all over the house.
I would lose my small 1/7th interest in it for my inheritance but that would also mean that the rest of the seven heirs would lose their share as well. I think it would be the best for everyone to go on and have it torn down by the City because nobody is going to buy that house.
The cost of it all.
It is over $80 per month for just the yard mowed for the half acre lot in the City and $300 per year for the City and County taxes on it. I spoke to the City attorney and he advised that since it is only worth a little less than $10,000 for the whole shebang that maybe we should just consider let it go so the City can demo it and haul it away then sell it for back taxes. If it did sell for $10,000 we would have to share that with seven other heirs. (I spent more than that just replacing the plumbing, pipes, and the front porch in 1997.) It costs more to care for it than it is worth. Nobody in the family contributed one finger to help my grandmother the way mom and I did.
I have had a mixture of emotions ranging from deep sadness, nervous anxiety, to overwhelming joy at the thought of finally being free from its heavy burden. My memories of childhood are rooted there and my memories of making it a home during the first part of my marriage are also rooted there.
I am learning to live by my word of the year #Strength because it takes strength to overcome challenges and setbacks and keep your feet still planted firmly on the ground. I am not afraid. I am finding my way. As a caregiver to others I am amazed at my own inner strength, patience, and self control. Knowing others while growing up that had very little self control I see that I must have been doing a lot more things right in my life than I had originally thought.
I am thankful…
For books, mentors, and references to keep me on track health wise, for my higher ascension, for my self mastery and for a better life. These things don't just happen without help. We need these people to show us the way and we are guided toward the people that can help our soul the most.
In the kitchen...
A new fridge, a new stove, a new set of pots and pans that work amazingly well for cooking! (The neighbor's scraped their old mobile home on their property next door that is for sale and said we could have what's left inside of it that they didn't want anymore.
I am wearing...
Pink shorts and a floral print top. Slip on shoes.
I am creating…
An Index card a day summer art project with my daughter. It is called the ICAD Card challenge.
The war scene in my horror novel. I have put it off for so long. It is time to finally finish the scene.
And I am creating a salad a day for the "90 salads in 90 days" challenge. I love it!
To the store to buy a big clear glass lemonade tanker to make some Kombucha tea with.
I am wondering...
Why it rains every time I scatter out fresh hay for the critters.
I am reading...
JOHN STEINBECK – EAST OF EDEN
GEORGE R. MARTIN -- A CLASH OF KINGS
HINDS' FEET ON HIGHER PLACES -- HANNAH HURNARD
VASTI'S VICTORY -- LAVERNE MCCAIN GILL
I am hoping...
To lose the weight I need to in order to reach my goal. My main reason for losing
weight is to heal my thyroid. The doc is certain that it will heal itself once I get back to
my regular weight that is healthy for me.
I am looking forward to...The coolness of Fall, which is my favorite time of the year.
I am praying...
That my daughter will have Godly friends that respect her and her ideas when she grows up.
Right now she has some friends that bash skinny girls saying she needs to eat hamburgers and eat 10+ times a day to gain weight to be like them. I explain that they are jealous of her being healthy; but it makes me livid and I have tried to block them but they keep making new accounts to stay her friend.
I am learning….
To control my appetite from committing fast food sin. I know it may sound silly but I have been really struggling with fast food (addiction?) and with my friends when we are out always want to go eat. I may have already exercised and already eaten and I get coaxed into eating again.
Around the house...
The blackberries are getting riper and should be ready to eat by mid July.
The yard is growing quickly from all of the rains we have been getting here.
I am pondering...
Getting a large backyard chimina for the fall campfires.
A couple of my favorite quotes for today...
“We are saved by trusting. And trusting means looking forward to getting
something we don’t yet have—for a man who already has something
doesn’t need to hope and trust that he will get it. But if we must keep
trusting God for something that hasn’t happened yet, it teaches us to wait
patiently and confidently. And in the same way—by our faith—the Holy
Spirit helps us with our daily problems and in our praying.”
Romans 8:24–26 (LB)
“For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love.
Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels won’t, and all the powers of hell
itself cannot keep God’s love away. Our fears for today, our worries
about tomorrow, or where we are—high above the sky, or in the deepest
ocean—nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God
demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us.”
Romans 8:38–39 (LB)
One of my favorite things...
Filofax day planners
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Monday - Get hay scattered in wet areas to stop tracking mud in the house
Tuesday - Catch up on Filofax sheets, Download Android journal app
Wednesday - Clean desk, organize day planner sheets
Thursday - Work on fruit trees/ fertilizer
Friday - Compost bin rotation-build raised beds
Saturday - Enjoy the outdoors with games for my daughter
Sunday - Quietly reflect on what I have learned for the week.
A peek into my day...